Pillsbury Sugar Cookies are Fucking Worthless

That’s not me raging, by the way. It’s just a stern opinion.

At the house of fetid desires, I know how it goes. We bake a lot of stuff, because we’re a family of decent tastes. My younger sister (younger as in high school age) likes to bake things with the lowest difficulty required. So we go to the store and get this box of Pillsbury cookies, and they really have no reason to exist other than because they’re an entry-level baking product. Most recently, we got heart-shaped cookies, and some of them are the typical light brown colo(u)r, while others are pink. Take a look:

Cookies.jpg

It’s cynical to think that they could just pump these out for whatever liberal-created holiday crapfest they want, but I guess it if helps the business, I don’t see why not.

I hate these things, but I can’t help myself from eating a few whenever they come around. They’re almost flavorless, with only a bare minimum of whatever scientifically-created sugar concoction holding them together. They also melt in your mouth with little effort, which sounds like a good idea, but without any notable additions to play off of, the experience is painfully muted, and the melt comes off as more of a collapse. And they always remain the same, no matter what holiday is currently grabbing this planet by the balls.

Seriously, I have nothing against sugar cookies. They can be done well if you put enough texture and sugary bits into them. The best ones need to be light and fluffy with every satisfying chew shooting off maximum flavor. But the ones pictured here are mass-produced with not much attention given to the recipe and/or a general purpose, so they just collapse.

If you want to give these to your kid, I’m okay with it… I just don’t know what it would accomplish. Maybe it’d be better to make a delicious homemade macaroni and cheese with them; my mom makes a really good one based off of the recipe from a local restaurant. Maybe for a future installment of the good stuff, I’ll go into it in-depth.

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