Blatch’s Certified GOOD SHIT: On the Cutting Edge of Diabetes

This one is simple.

Chapter 3: Creating a Carbohydrate Redistribution Process

At some point today, the downstairs fridge of my house looked like this:

A Pillow of Sins.jpg

There’s a lot of soda in there. If you like the stuff, I’m sure you might be intrigued by what I have to drink. Here is some intelligence of the stock:

Dr Pepper: The modern classic. It’s only taken the last few months for this soda to become a favorite of mine. I like it because of a relative lack of sweetness. Also, the pepper flavor makes for some nice burps.

Mountain Dew Game Fuel Mango Heat: I bought a fridge pack of these several months ago. This soda is peculiar because it uses high fructose corn syrup in addition to zero-calorie sweeteners like sucralose. It’s pretty cool… even if I couldn’t care less about the video game promotions it usually ties into.

Mountain Dew Kickstart Midnight Grape: A favorite for the mornings. I typically alternate between this and coffee whenever I want a kick. Sadly, drinking quite a few of these in a short amount of time has caused me to develop a caffeine resistance, so I need to take breaks for it to even give me half the energy it usually does. Also, I think the flavor of this beverage it a perfect companion to…

Mountain Dew Pitch Black: Good stuff. It’s grape-flavored, of course. I thought it deserved to win the most recent DEWcision because that Baja shit is overrated (Sangrita Blast for life, y’all, and this is my second-favorite). It also doesn’t have the dreaded brominated vegetable oil in it, which is a plus. I don’t go for it too often because Mtn Dew is packed with sugar at every opportunity, but when I do, the sinning is fun.

Hubert’s Watermelon Habanero Lemonade: Now this is the most likely item of the lot you’ve never heard of. That’s because nobody would probably ever want to drink lemonade laced with spicy stuff, but this is seriously pretty good! It’s made by a company originating with Hubert Hansen. His story is basically the typical being in the right place at the right time concept. He sold lemonade to celebrities in Hollywood in his awesome truck back in the 1930’s, and he apparently was very successful in doing so. So I guess that’s why you never see any ads for their products: They get by on being a reputable brand alone.

Anyway, this stuff is made with lots of habanero peppers. Every single gulp of it enflames your throat with spiciness, which then gets muted by the fruit flavor. It’s a rather intriguing combination, really. I only started drinking it to see if it had any trainwreck qualities, but as it turns out, I genuinely like the stuff! And that’s only a little bit because I like spicy things in general. The drink is also a hybrid, with real cane sugar mixed up with stevia, which makes it have quite a bit less sugar than soda. Overall, if you see any sort of Hubert’s product in your local supermarket, go buy it. You could use the pleasure.

Other products pictured in the image include your typical Cokes, and a fridge pack of Fresca, which will always be a personal underrated soda favorite of mine. =)


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