Blatch’s Certified GOOD SHIT: Like the Time, I Run Away

There’s always a chance you might die. Right now, it’s up there. So why even have a conscience?

Chapter 4: Finding Derivatives of Philosophy

It’s been a wild week for branding. The White House has had to deal with a Press Secretary who is ignorant about Hitler and might soon be bracing for war. United Airlines had a week to forget, but you’ll probably soon give them your money for no reason other than because you forgot. And Pepsi… oh my god, what hath you wrought? Could anything good ever come from Kendall Jenner and her cronies over in the Lovely Transgender department? That was a bad idea from the start. I’m not normally one who separates the art from an artist, but I’m perfectly fine with giving my money to a company with bad ideas (hello, NestlĂ©!) because they’re almost certainly not going to go belly up as a result of even multiple boycotts at the same time.

What I mean here is… buy this stuff:

WanG Meme!

Mountain Dew Spiked. It’s lemonade, occasionally with raspberry, mixed with cactus juice (well, it’s from the prickly pear fruit), utilizing sugar and agave syrup was well as other natural sweeteners (to my knowledge, it’s the first major PepsiCo product to contain stevia). And it’s really good! It actually tastes like lemonade, even though it’s really tart. I don’t know how much of a sour tint the agave adds to this, but it certainly adds to the drink’s uniqueness.

What I’m trying to say is… basically, buy the stuff you want to, because you’ll probably end up supporting genuinely evil companies without knowing it. There’s a certain strain of fatalism involved in it that edges towards absurdity. I totally think it’s okay to support awfulness and resist its more hostile strains if you really want to, because the world is without moral reasoning, and people will call you a hypocrite and (not one of them) for committing the smallest errors in your life. Basically, be more-r freer. It’s fun.

Other notable new soda products I’ve tasted include the newest batch of 1893 colas. Basically, this stuff is like how colas used to taste, so they should taste rather bad, but they don’t. It’s an amazing oxymoron. I tried both the Grapefruit and Black Currant flavors, and neither of them impressed me. I do like this particular type of soda, but the fruits didn’t add much. And they’re barely even there to start with. Unless you’re a superfan of either fruit, I wouldn’t bother with them. But do at least buy any flavor of 1893, and make sure to try their Ginger Cola some time. That stuff is good, like an odd fusion of something you like and some other thing that’s not as good into something you really like. Like, totally. It’s amazing. The kind of drink you’d down while watching a nuclear first strike in the teevee, I’m sure.

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