Blatch’s Certified GOOD SHIT: Malaproper Medicine… Malaproper

Now let’s try the super caffeine.

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Your Own Globule of Hate

I feel like I have another rant about the anime community within me, but I just can’t shake it out. It’d be about Crunchyroll and how treating anime fans like test subjects is wrong.

They’re a business, and being a business requires you to promote what you’re selling, which, for them, includes The Ancient Magus Bride, the show they got several months in advance and which already has three episodes in the can, and they showed ’em at the convention last weekend. They seemingly promote this thing three times per week and I’m fucking sick of it already. Though I might go to the early screening of it at some type of movie theater, if I’m able to. But it’s not gonna be anywhere near as good as the movie with the anime body… swapping.

I often get tripped over Crunchyroll because they tell you how awesome these shows are and how you should watch them, but these shows aren’t always good. I feel like they’re participating in a mass psychological gaslight touch-and-feel-’em-up torture experiment where only whatever gets liked by their staff is qualified to be popular. It’s hard to explain, so I’ll just say this: They promoted that new Berserk anime at least once despite its animation being genuinely bad, reprehensible, and probably a disgrace to the source manga, so it should not be allowed to continue under any circumstances. And I’m sure CR would do the same for any awful “fanservice” show that only exists to see how far we can simulate sex on Japanese Earth television [pronounced “tele-vie-see-on”] without needing a censor bar. Check back to a few seasons ago for it.

But, instead of continuing the rant (huh… I guess I didn’t think this one through), I’ll just tell you to head on down to Crunchyroll’s news section [pronounced “sect-ee-on”] and see the largest gathering of kind-hearted anime fans in one place who love to talk about the medium. That in itself is kind of heartwarming. And who knows? You might even see something beyond comprehension that only I could have assisted with.

Time and a Wørd

Okay, so here’s the deal: I’ll be on vacation for the next few days, but you won’t notice because that’s how often I make posts on here anyway.

It’ll go down at Dorney Park in Allentown, PA. Maybe show up there during the weekend and I can meet you there, but I’m not expecting any responses. It would be weird, anyway.

Keep me in your thoughts… the jealous ones, of course. But I’ll still be studying for my summer Calculus course along the way, because a good work ethic can’t be stopped. Seriously: It’s become sentient, like the original Frankenstein, with shiny blond hair and electric eyes. It’s coming right for us!

I Didn’t Think This Was America

Even in times of despair, it’s good to know that we can all be free… to write wonderous stories of the greatest caliber. So here is my stab at it. You saw the last example under the tag, and here’s another: A level I made for a video game called VVVVVV. If you don’t own it, I encourage you to try the thing out.

Here’s a screenshot:

I'm Not Dead Yet

Thanks to the Commodore 64-inspired aesthetic, you can’t even tell if he’s moving. But in this case, he is, because otherwise would mean death.

Get it at my MediaFire.


Pink Bori Plushie, Number Six

Holy shit, it’s Altador Cup time! And my team are the defending champs. However, I do have to say: JumpStart’s acquisition of Neopets and its refusal to do any work has made the AC as stale as other general site events.

There’s a lot more left to the imagination: You basically have to imagine that every Yooyuball match is a rather vicious event with full-contact violence. And then there’s the matter of each team shifting their lineup. Mystery Island’s has been the same ever since 2012. And ever since then, neither Volgoth nor Selmon Woulf have managed to improve their vocabularies. It’s rather pitiful, honestly.

But when I first participated in the AC over a decade ago, players could get injured! This was only possible because the Flash file showed the players top-down rather than from isometric. So when that damn Techo got injured, Vela Binal came in and had his time to shine, and now he’s a veteran of ten years’ worth of cup action. It was amazing to see just how much lore TNT put into the event back then. The injuries, contract disputes, players mentioned but ultimately never even suited up so we don’t know their species and never will. It was amazing, but now? There’s no clowns, or lions, or tigers… or injuries. And candy floss; it only comes in lavender flavour now.

No clowns… but maybe you can help fill the void. Be the generation who wants to take over when JumpStart (or whatever holding company with the website) falls short. All of you, have a happy AC.